DENIAL - is a long river

I used to think that I was in denial about EVERYTHING.

As a person who is very much interested in being a better version of myself, as well as being hyper-self critical with a propensity for self-hatred, it was so easy to think that I was in denial about a lot of things. At my worst, I judged the crap out of everyone else’s denial.

Again, at my worst, when I’d get triggered by other people’s denial, it just seemed easier to point out the person’s denial to them so that I could feel better. We both know how that ended.

About that, I feel sadness well up in my throat.

And that’s ok.

This is the thing about denial-

It is all the things that you don’t realise that you’re doing.

When you sense something about yourself, or you’re aware that you’re doing. something (and don’t necessarily like it), that’s not denial, that’s awakening.

That’s waking up out of something or opening up to yourself that may have been denial about. Waking up and opening up can be intergenerational stuff and conditioning from your ancestors long, long ago.

That’s not an excuse. It’s a fact.

If you want to be a victim about that, then it’s your choice.

(See what I mean by me being perceived as blunt. 🤷‍♀️)

There are aspects of all of us that are in denial.

It is the denial that protects us until we’re ready to know and to handle the truth about ourselves, our inheritance.

Denial is a protection for us all.

Here’s an example -

I am a victim. I lovingly accept that.

Recently, I came out of denial around this specific thing.

The timing was perfect because if I had stumbled upon it sooner or if someone who saw it in me blurted out that I was a victim, I would have just created drama around that person. Basically, I wouldn’t have listened or understood, not even a day sooner.

Denial is a protection for us all.

It is when the waking up, the opening up starts and the person chooses denial over growth is when things become tricky. Most of society turns a blind eye. There is no judgement here. I get it. At least, sometimes, anyways.

The other day, I told a client that she does not turn a blind eye to her growth in becoming a better version of herself.

I wonder if, really, it is not growth that makes a person better but the re-knowing of the innocence and the reconnection to our roots that was lost so long ago through intergenerational trauma.

Hmmm